>>1781For the Catholic, there's a multitude of reasons for why you should present your private thoughts and schizo-theories to a saint:
1) We should bring everything to prayer. (Phillipians 4:6)
2) The saints are in heaven. Church Teaching is that the saints are enjoying the "beatific vision". They are seeing God fully, and so their heart's deepest desires are being quenched, and they know that these desires will be quenched for all eternity, and so they're incapable of experiencing any negative emotion. You can't interiorly disturb them.
(Confession: I want to disturb them! I actually want them to be shocked! I even used to want to see my bishop corrupted by my theories! Haha!)
3) The saints want to pray for you. They, out of love, want more people in heaven.
4) It's good to resist the prison of shame. Shame has this isolating effect. In the Catholic faith, it's believed that the devil can use one's shame to steer them away from confessing their sins, and returning to communion with God.
i) Shame closes you from asking for help. In the Catholic faith, it is taught that God wants to help you, but you have to ask for it. "He created you without you, but he won't save you without you" is the saying. Shame keeps you from asking for help.
a) One method for dealing with shame in the Catholic faith is to offer it up. In the Catholic faith, it is possible to request an ongoing offering of one's shame, and for it to be offered to God or a Saint of one's choosing, for a noble cause of one's choosing (e.g. for one's country, in reparation for sin, etc.) I used to be so burdened with shame, that I had difficulty with examining my behaviour in the day for my past sins. I requested an ongoing offering of these negative emotions whilst I did the examination of conscience, and I felt the burden lifted! I was free! Perhaps your religion has a similar capacity?
b) Another method might be brute-force. To list out the thoughts and theories that shame keeps repressed, and then create a dedicated time for sharing them. Intimidating, surely, but also, ultimately liberating.
I also have a bad relationship with some clergy. My mental health issues have inspired me to act poorly, and has soured my relationship with some of these men. These messages are sent spiritually, so I feel a bit more removed from it, as though it's not real, than had it been sent physically. But nonetheless, I've seen what the saints say about sending messages via one's guardian angel, and it seems to be just as real as a physical letter.
I think I kind of delude myself to make the reality of what I do feel more acceptable in this regard. Nonetheless, I know I do the right thing in informing them. They are my spiritual superiors, my shepherds. I'm sure doing this helps me, and perhaps even the whole Church.
Truthfully, as I've never really addressed the latent shame I feel regarding this practise, perhaps I'm not really equipped to advise you on the matter. I never really dealt with it after all, I just ignored it and pressed on.
But nonetheless, due to the isolating effect of shame, I really feel you would benefit from sharing these theories.
