/hell/ - internet death cult

I have major gender dysphoria and its certainly a drag on life, and I just want to rant about it, and you guys are all nice (oh yeah so fair warning this is just me going on about my problems, also this may be really long and I don't know if there's a character limit so this may be multiple parts).

I'm just never going to look or feel right, I don't think. Because I just happened to be born with this mental illness. As a kid, I always liked to imagine myself as a girl for some reason. In internet circles I'd pretend I was a girl, for no real reason other then preference. It wasn't like I was doing it for kicks, saying I was a guy after flirting with someone, i really just liked being a girl instead. I lived in a pretty liberal area, so I found out about trannies by middle school, and by age 14 i was pretty sure I was one. Unfortunately, I was a very early bloomer, and puberty hit me really hard. I was 5'10" at 14 and only kept growing, grew facial hair in middle school, broad shoulders, square jaw, everything. And I hated it as much then as I did now. I grew my hair out and to this day have real nice hair with perfect curls but that was kind of the end of things I actually liked about myself. With my frame, nobody ever really mistook me for a girl, even from behind. Guy friends I had that were super short or just feminine in general got mistaken for girls without even trying or wanting to and I felt really jealous. When I was 15 I started having friends call me "Abby" online and told them about some of this. I started getting that feeling of "being a women trapped in a man's body" people talk about as opposed to "being a man that want to be a woman," a change you don't really notice until it happens. That felt pretty nice. Every now and then, when I was home alone, I'd sneak into my sister's room and wear her clothes and look in the mirror for a while. I stopped because it felt like I was doing something perverted even though I wasn't attracted to women (more on that later), but it felt nice to take pictures of myself in dresses, even though I deleted them afterwards. but…yea. I just really hated being a man. Sometimes I would curl up and stare at all the hair on my legs and nearly have a breakdown over that.(Part 1/?)

Do you ever get the feeling nobody actually likes you regardless of what they say? That they're just acting out of obligation or pity? That nobody will ever actually genuinely like you for the rest of your days and no one will remember you when you're not there anymore?

I'm gonna eat all the sushis under 29 and steal their youth.

I thought of making this thread here so that I don't derail the place with things most people wouldn't like to indulge.
Sadness is something that can be a bit of a vicious cycle, indulge too much in it and you'll see it as your only refuge.
But, we do need to let it out sometimes. Come let out whatever is doing you wrong sushi

I hate it when guys come inside and don't the their shoes off. I hate captcha.

I hate it when people get drunk and leave puddles of puke on the street

I hate dogs they are scary and make too much noise

What do you hate sushi?

i think pornography is so freaking harmful

Locked for relentless abuse and baiting from aliens

why is everyone so relaxed about the epstein topic

Let's make a story!
Everyone is allowed to use 1 word
If you want to post multiple words, please wait until another poster has posted a new addition to the one word story
I will start:

Hello

omedetou new year sushi

MERRY SOMETHING I DON'T REMEMBER. HELP ME REMEMBER.