>>5933I'm not entirely sure what to make of your cryptic post, but from what I can make of it, thank you for the information, sushi roll.
Related, I only recently learned the term "limerence" from a friend of mine.
Yeah. I think its likely she didn't feel the same "love" as I did. Maybe sometimes. Rarely. During select few instances where she herself felt stable and content with herself. Most other times I think she only thought of herself. I don't think she's fit for relationships, whether it's with me or not. It really hurts. I wish it wasn't so painful to love her so much.
I always had these fantasies in my head, where she would perform random acts of kindness purely out of love for me. They didn't happen very often, but when they did, they stuck with me. One time, she packed my lunch for me for work. She wrote a note for me wishing me a good day. Very simple, but it was things like that which made me really believe she cared about me. That she loved me. I still have that note. Honestly, I still have many many mementos that remind me of specific times with her.
I also remember that during our first Valentines, as I was driving home from work, I saw her walking along the road. When I honked and pulled over, she was so surprised to see me. Turns out, she was out to get me a gift. Honestly, in hindsight, this was an unbelievable gesture coming from her. I couldn't imagine her doing this for anyone, really.
I love that I can look back on moments like these. They were so few and far between. I wanted more like it so badly. Perhaps one day when she was spending time at her Mom's house, I unlocked my front door and come in, only to find that while I was at work, she walked from her Mom's place over here just to surprise me that I came over. Just cause she wanted to. Cause she missed me. Miraculously, she lives just a few blocks down the road from me in another apartment complex.
I wish that she looked forward to holidays and other "important" days the way I looked forward to them. Because they were an opportunity to do things together. Because they were days where memories would have been forged. I wish that you looked forward to them because you cared about creating moments like that with me, like how I cared about creating them with you. That you loved the time we spent together, like how I did. I wish we could have held hands more. Went on mor
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